A dogleg left through the windmill, over the covered bridge, next to the lighthouse, around the bogus redwood tree, into the tunnel of darkness, off the side wall, and next to the Chinook salmon flagstick. All with one million fingerling trout looking on in the gallery. The artificial turf, blue to resemble the Willamette River, is stretched taut and groomed like it is playing host to a U.S. Golf Association event, and not a miniature golf course inside the Willamette Fish Hatchery.
Maybe a hole-in-one could turn the attention of the trout gallery away from the stray fish pellets spilling out of the gumball machine. Not far away, a thirty-year-old four-foot white sturgeon swimming infinite laps in his ten-foot pond serves as the course marshal. His sharp eye can see if you grant yourself a better lie on the azure turf or a gimme if your ball is within a foot or two of the cup.
In the corner, a few dilapidated putters and highlight yellow balls are strewn about, courtesy of Oregon Fish and Wildlife. Better yet, each of the nine holes includes a fun fact about the local Willamette waterway. The par four sixth: “River otters, once prized for their dense pelts in the Willamette River, now freely patrol these waters where they feed on trout, salmon, and crustaceans. Social animals, they often play with other otters in their group. Be careful though, if seen in the wild, they might just steal your heart.”
Some golf courses sit next to the pebbled California sea or lie among the masterful willows in the deep South. In playful contrast, this diminutive course has holes indiscriminately scattered all around its sod carpet to represent the perilous lifecycle of the local fish. No telling where your yellow ball will get consumed after you clank it off the blue tee.
Ball goes in this hole: “Caught in the talons of a raptor.”
Ball goes in that hole:
“Caught in a net while at sea and soon on a platter at the trendiest fusion bistro in Portland.”
A central Oregon fish hatchery and its 1970’s architecture and oxygenating concrete tanks, with a wetland themed miniature golf course adjacent. We even had the cobalt links to ourselves late in the afternoon. What a world.
And what architect graduated architecture school with coursework in Frank Lloyd Wright and Frank Gehry and got assigned gilled holding ponds. Perhaps one who took a shine to Frederick Law Olmsted and landscape design. Just after they had completed the Willamette Hatchery, the ponds were filling, and they’d stood back to admire their work, the hatchery foreman swiftly proposed an open garage-like structure just off to the side of the ponds.
“Whatever for?”
“A mini golf course, of course… and make it blue!”
This too is Barry Lopez territory. The environmental writer who dreamed of artics and horizons lived on the McKenzie River, a tributary of the Willamette. Could he have ricocheted his golf ball perfectly through the windmill, off the gnome, into the PVC pipe, off the wall, and into the cup? Or did his ball flail wildly off the concrete edge and into the parking lot, mildly embarrassed as he scampered after it like the rest of us?
Fish hatcheries have always been a delight to us, their quietude above the cemented water but absolute raucousness below it, where the trout jockey for pellet position. Jelly-legged from hiking all day in central Oregon, we stumbled onto the hatchery next to its namesake Willamette River and had to stop for a peak and a bladder layover. Astounded is not how we expected to leave a couple hours later.
Nearing the end of our round, the par three eighth reported:
“The osprey is a raptor with a wing span of up to five and a half feet. They are strict pescatarians, meaning they feed almost exclusively on the fish in the Willamette waterway. In human terms, they are sushi aficionados.”
A fish hatchery is easily overlooked while driving through the timberlands. Podcast on, trip snacks at the ready, and laser focused on getting to your destination in time for dinner. However, the Willamette Hatchery along the Willamette Highway next to the Willamette River is worthy your respite.
So, if you find yourself with a hankerin’ for some mini golf amongst the covered bridges and damp redwoods of the Willamette National Forest, stop by the fish hatchery and putt to your heart’s delight. See the trout and the museum and the whimsy of a mini blue golf course where you’d seldom expect. Sprinkle a few pellets to the fingerlings and they’ll give you the finest golf clap a dorsal fin can manage.
Willamette Hatchery
76389 Fish Hatchery Rd., Oakridge
541-782-2933
www.myodfw.com/willamette-hatchery
